What if I died tomorrow and someone read this journal?

Obsession.  For real.

April 12, 2000
"Tomorrow evening, around this time, I will be thinking about how wonderful my new ar is.  Then I'll be able to do all the thing I've wante to do all week, like just drive with the windows down, or go to Carrie's house and talk while laying on her bed.  That is one of my favorite things to do- just lay there, eyes closed, talking about everything under the sun.  I wish I could be doing that right now.
I realized something important: what if I died tomorrow and someone read this journal?  Surely they would think I'm completely obsessed with Greg.  NOTE TO READER: Greg is my love and just happens to be the exclusive person I write about.  A friend told me today that she can't believe how hung up on him I am...she, as well as other, told me I need to move on.  How, I'm wondering, just how am I supposed to do that?  There's no one else to move on to.
Everytime I wish, I wish for someone.  Ok, usually Greg, or some stupid little fling that lasts for a few days.  But tonight, at 10:10 PM, I did not wish for someone, or for Greg.  I simply wished to move on - for my own sake.  And i wished it'd be soon -- but I always wish that.  So, yeah, I need to stop...or at least I need to not talk about it so much, then everyeone will think that I never think about him.  That'll just be my little secret.